She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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