Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I came so hard my ears popped.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
