I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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