All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
