I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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