Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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