I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
