:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
