would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
