3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
