i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
