Will you blow on my dice?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
