i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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