he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
His nipple licking is glorious
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