Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i dont even know how to be here
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
