dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
