i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
