Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He kissed a someone with a penis
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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