yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
