11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
