And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
