Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
