oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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