I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
