She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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