He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
