I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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