When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
