is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
