I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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