my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
