What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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