I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
