don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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