can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
