I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
