You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
