I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
