Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
