i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
