Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
