I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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