oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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