Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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