Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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