Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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