i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
