I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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