I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
