Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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