If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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