If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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