Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
