Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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