Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize