There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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