im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
