So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize