Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
