no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Couch. On fire.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
