What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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