Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize