He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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