omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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