Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
