i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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