Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
