6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
