Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
