you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
