I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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