...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
