she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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