I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
smell my finger.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
