I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
