see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
