Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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