Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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