I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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