the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
