Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
