i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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