So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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