come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
