I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
