good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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