her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
