There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize