I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
