he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
