I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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