i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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