yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
