i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
3pm strippers are depressing
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
